Sometimes homeschooling begins wonderfully, but other times it can seem an overwhelming challenge. What can you do if you don’t WANT to homeschool but you feel guilty about it?
I tried homeschooling my 4 & 5 year olds. My daughter is a strong-willed little girl who stands up against authority figures. I don’t feel called to home school this year mostly because last year went so badly and in the middle of the year I just stopped doing school by the book and focused more on my health goals. I registered them both for school. They will spend 45 mins each way on the bus. That means my boy in 1/2 day Kindergarten will be in school about the same amount of time on the bus. I can’t help but feel a little guilt about not wanting to do it. I did a co-op for 4 months and hated it. I also have now a 2 year old who wants all of my attention which was very challenging when trying to teach as well. Any words of wisdom? I actually think others can teach my children the basics better than I can. I bring God into every aspect of our lives – but I don’t feel cut out to homeschool my kids. Thanks for any thoughts.
~ Feeling Guilty
You don’t have to do ANY formal education until 8 years old, when you are living in Washington. You can keep them at home and not even fill out a declaration of intent until they are 8. Once they have been enrolled in school, then you do need to complete a declaration of intent, but that doesn’t mean you have to get all intense and “schoolish.” For more information on Washington State Homeschool Law, please visit this website: Washington Homeschool Organization.
You can try schooling gently and naturally, using literature. Instead of “doing school” you can just experience education. I love Sonlight Curriculum. Use their curriculum for 5 year olds, and it will only take about 1 hour per day, and you can share it between both kids. Perhaps you can do that during the nap time. Here is the link to Sonlight.
To handle babies and toddlers underfoot, my favorite tip is the book “Managers of Their Homes” by Teri Maxwell. It made a HUGE difference in my life and homeschool. In fact, that book is the reason why I have been (mostly) consistent with my quiet time, because she really focuses on putting God first and everything else will fall into place. She is not as academic as I am, but I found that to be a nice balance, because I tend to do too much at times. Here is the link to her book.
Guilt is a horrible feeling. It’s difficult to decide what to do, and many people will have strong opinions in opposite directions. The best advice is what my midwife told me the day my oldest child was born. She said, “Know your child and trust yourself.” Only YOU know your child and your situation. Move forward without guilt, trusting your own judgment.
If homeschooling went that bad, then probably it was a curriculum mismatch, and you were using a curriculum that was great for someone else, but wasn’t a good fit for you. My guess is that you were making it more intensely academic than is necessary or desirable at that young age. If you want to try homeschooling again, then completely change gears, and back away from the heavy academics to focus on the love of learning.
I was watching a bunny run across my back yard. Now, bunnies always catch my attention – but it was the reason for running that KEPT my attention. Apparently, Mr Bunny did NOT want to mess with a family of raccoons. One mommy raccoon and four baby kits we slowly making their way toward our neighbor’s house. I’ve never seen a raccoon with four babies before!
When they came to the gate, mommy and three babies went through single file. The fourth kit balked. Perhaps he had a previous negative experience with a gate, but he just couldn’t go through. Instead this unusual little raccoon decided to climb over the 6 foot metal chain link fence instead of go through the gate. Apparently raccoon kits are pretty coordinated, because he had no trouble getting up half way. Did you know that when they climb down, they actually go head first? Yikes! Anyway, the poor kit got half way up and then wanted to come down, but he also wanted to be on the other side of the fence with his mommy. He ended up climbing sideways for a while before giving up. Mommy raccoon walked all the way back, with the three other siblings in tow, and waited for him to finish doing it the hard way; avoiding the gate that was open wide enough for anyone to pass through.
Three kits walk through the gate, and one decides to take the “road less traveled.”
He certainly learned differently than his siblings. Same parental unit, same environment, and yet a very different outcome. This Kit learns differently!
Just like all raccoon kits learn differently, all kids learn differently, too! If your three children learn a certain way, it can be very upsetting if the fourth can’t use the same curriculum or learn the same way as well. It’s especially frustrating when money is involved! But our kids don’t all learn the same either, and sometimes you do have to re-trace your steps and try to figure out the unique learning style of your unique learner.
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As I often say on this blog, our goal as homeschool parents is NOT to teach something. Our goal is for our kids to LEARN. Sometimes they will learn how to learn a subject on their own, without having a teacher teach them.
I believe that older teens MUST learn how to teach themselves. If they go to college, they will be expected to learn all the textbook material on their own. College lectures are most often supplemental to the textbook – not the same. If they don’t go to college, they will still have to teach themselves some computer skills, or online banking, or how to buy a car – whatever. Learning to teach yourself is a critical life skill.
I could have taught my kids “at grade level” and they would have not learned a thing. Instead, I gave them curriculum at their ability level, and then they had to learn something that they didn’t already know. When we got into high school, some of things that we “at their ability level” were truly above my ability level. I thought I was stuck, and unable to teach them. I felt inadequate. How could I teach them subjects I didn’t know myself?
My kids taught themselves Advanced Math (pre-Calculus) and Calculus. They taught themselves physics. I gave them the answer key and the textbook, and they read the books and worked on their daily work using the answer key until they felt comfortable with the concepts. I know they knew the material because I gave them the tests. When I gave them a test, I went shopping, taking the answer key with me. When I returned from the grocery store, they were done with the test, and I would use the answer key myself to make sure my kids answers matched the answers on the key. The answers had to be exact, because I didn’t know what the calculus symbols meant. If the answers weren’t exact, my children would contact the email or telephone support provided by the homeschool textbooks to get some clarification.
I could have taught them Biology and Chemistry (because I’m an RN and I know that stuff) but they actually taught themselves that as well. It just worked out better for us when they were teaching themselves, while I just checked up on them from time to time. Alex taught himself economics, and is now doing graduate level work in economic thought (we’ve been told by his professor.) He even taught himself psychology and business law, because he got fabulous grades on the college level CLEP exams in those subject. Your children may not teach themselves in EVERY subject, but parents can feel confident in allowing their children to learn things on their own. When children use a video tutorial for the first time, that does NOT mean the homeschool parent is a failure, and failing to teach. Instead, it means the child is becoming an adult, and learning how to learn by teaching themselves.
Here’s my point: kids will teach themselves something when they are interested in it. It’s fine for kids to do that, and it works out great for kids that are working on an intensely academic, college-prep curriculum as well as for kids that are in a relaxed homeschool environment.
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Has anyone homeschooled college using things such as MIT’s Open Courseware, and would completing courses through this be an acceptable path?
~Stephanie on Facebook
To get college credit while you homeschool (“homeschooling college”) requires credits to be accredited by some organization (like CLEP) or some college (like Thomas Edison.) While MIT’s Open Courseware classes are extremely cool, they aren’t accredited. You would probably need to find a test to measure knowledge gained from the Open Courseware and then a college to grant credit based on that test. Sounds like a job for superman – I mean CollegePlus!
“My question is regarding high school science for a Mom and student who just can’t get their heads wrapped around science.”
~ Bethany Plante from Amesbury, Mass.
Dear Bethany,
I love your question, because it can apply to so many subjects other than science! Your question shows that you have identified the area of your homeschool that needs the most help. Everyone has one – and it’s good that you have identified it.
Put first things first
Every homeschool parent has a subject that they don’t understand, tolerate, like, or remember to teach. When you identify your weak area, then you can do something about it! Once you have identified your weak subject, remember to put that subject FIRST.
Your weak area is the first thing you do with your time.
It’s the first thing your student does in the morning. It’s the one thing you make sure is done every single day. Even when a fabulous opportunity arrives, and all the other homeschool things get put on the shelf, this is the one thing you are sure gets done. You always take the time for it even when their is a field trip, activity, or 8 hour theater rehearsal that day.
Your weak area is the first thing you do with your money.
It’s the first curriculum that you buy each year, and the thing you are willing to spend the most money on. It’s the only thing you will be SURE to reinvest in if necessary. In other words, if you choose a curriculum and it doesn’t work, this is the area that you will make a second purchase – even within the first couple of months of school.
It’s difficult to decide between community college and credit by examination. One reader had some tremendous trouble with community college, and was asking about CollegePlus! as an alternative.
Hello Lee,
I noticed you have a link to College Plus on one of your web pages. Can you tell me anything about what you think about them as an option to community college? Or what other options you are referring to when you mention Homeschool College?
Two weeks into our 16-year-old daughter’s first quarter at community college, two pornographic reading assignments were handed out in her required English class. I knew from prior discussions with you that dual enrollment was risky. However, I thought that if we were “selective” in the classes we took, we could avoid the problems you had warned me about. We are looking for alternatives at this time.
Thank you for any input you can give, or let me know if you recommend purchasing some time with you to discuss this issue further.
With sincere appreciation,
Linda
Dear Linda,
I am so, SO sorry about your daughter’s class!! What a nightmare for a parent – and how anyone of any age can consider that educational in any way, I will NEVER know…. I feel your pain. I remember being horrified.
My children were in a similar situation. In a speech class, one student gave a presentation that was graphic and inappropriate. We had completely researched the curriculum and the teacher, because of our previous problems with community college class. I really thought we had done all we could do! But this girl gave a raunchy speech with sordid details, and my children now have a thorough understanding of that particular religion she was describing. Yes, community colleges can be a challenging situation.
CollegePlus is a Christian company that coordinates college by distance learning. In our family, we used only CLEP exams, and it was easy for me to coordinate by myself because I knew which 4 colleges they were going to apply to, so there wasn’t much of a concern. CollegePlus can help you make SURE the college credits are transferable. The only drawbacks are money (they charge a fee) and their emphasis on distance learning over a brick and mortar university.
I have an article about how I homeschooled a year of college with my boys. Here is the article for you to read.
Read the article and see if you feel comfortable doing the CLEP exams without assistance. If not, then check out CollegePlus. There is no harm in talking to them, to see how it works. Since I didn’t use their services myself, I don’t know all the details. Here is their website.
As you know, I feel very passionately about warning parents about community college so they can make an informed decision and be careful. I’m so glad that you were looking out for your daughter so that you recognized this situation as soon as possible.
In this situation, it may be difficult to withdraw from a class. There are often rules about how far into the quarter you can withdraw from a class without having it on a transcript. If it comes down to that, it’s better to formally withdraw from a class and get a “W” on your transcript rather than avoid the situation and end up with a failing grade or an incomplete. I have some clients that have had difficulty with explaining a withdrawal to their child. A son or daughter may become uncomfortable with class content and then simply stop going to class – and then they fail the class. In other words, be careful to withdraw from the class completely and formally.
Good luck, Linda. It sounds SO difficult!
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Recently I was awarded the “Family Friendly” seal of approval from The Old Schoolhouse. I was so excited – and it’s a cute badge to put on my website, too!
It puts me in a bit of an awkward place, though. Sometimes the information I need to provide is NOT fit for general audiences. When I speak about community college, I have to choose my words very carefully, so that I can convey the “R-rated” nature of the environment in the most honest way I can, but without offending people. Still, wouldn’t you rather be shocked about what I say, than have your children shocked every day in a community college setting?
As you are making your plans for next year, please know that your local community college is probably NOT going to win the Family Friendly Emblem from The Old Schoolhouse.
I was at a college fair, greeting different colleges and asking them about their admission policy for homeschool students. One representative from a community college had a very serious message that she wanted me to give you.
“Please tell homeschoolers that their children are sitting next to adjudicated individuals in class. People who have been in prison for a variety of reasons are sitting next to their 16 year old daughter. Please warn them!”
She was very concerned, but felt that she couldn’t be more explicit than that. It was obvious that registered offenders were her primary concern. I suppose that make sense. In an effort to provide job training, community college is often the next step. Still, she asked me to warn you, and there you have it!
Community college is a serious decision for parents to make. It’s not a “Rated G” Family Friendly place. There are some moments it is “Rated PG.” Indeed, “Rated R” material is not appropriate for every family. Parents, I encourage you to make a decision carefully.
Last week I got a lot of phone calls from parents thinking about beginning to homeschool for the first time. Last week in particular I spoke with two parents from different states who were dealing with chronic illnesses. They each planned to begin homeschooling as a way to educate their child through cycles of illness and hospitalization.
If you have had your children in a public or private school, and plan to homeschool for the first time during high school, it can be a bit intimidating! It helps to focus on what your child needs, and do keep other concerns at a distance. If you know your child and trust yourself, you will be happy with your decision to homeschool. It can be a perfect fit for your family! Here are the resources that I thought would be a perfect fit beginners:
Gifted Education at Home: the general strategies would be great because of the stop-and-start nature of chronic illnesses, but it’s even more of a fit because you mentioned she was in the honors program before.
Here is the article called “What IF?” about homeschooling through trauma.
And this is the “where do I begin” curriculum I usually recommend. It’s a literature based Christian curriculum with lots of “hand-holding” for parents, and it comes with a daily schedule so you can tell your child what you expect each day. It’s best for bright children, so I think it will be an excellent fit. Since it’s literature based, much of it you can take to the hospital with you, if need be.
The “Convention at Home Kit” as an option to learning more about homeschooling, including how we got in to our first choice university, and how we achieved the full tuition scholarships.
When you have digested some information, or when you need support, you might want to consider joining the Gold Care Club so that we can talk each week, and I can support you through the process.
I look forward to talking to you! Have fun homeschooling – you’ll LOVE it!
There are many options for lab sciences, and you are not limited to the common three choices of biology, chemistry, and physics. While those are probably helpful for students going into highly competitive schools, or going into science and engineering schools, you don’t have to be limited by those standard three. There are other options. Students who will not have the math required for physics, and students who love math and science so much they would love to branch out have something in common. They both have limitless options!
Would a Nature Study count as a lab science? My girls are neither one interested in science – one is going into music, the other film production. We’re doing biology now, and I suspect we’ll either do chemistry or physics, but the thought of doing both is a little…exhausting to think of to my two non-science-centered girls.
And another question…would earth science count as a lab science? We covered astronomy, weather, etc., oceanography, etc. and built lots of weather forecasting items and built a telescope to study the stars.
Thanks!
Sharon
When faced with a non-math person, skipping physics may be a good idea, because it’s highly math-based. If you decide to branch out into nature study, you can do your labs as field study. There is no definition of lab science, although it does imply hands-on learning and writing a description of what was accomplished. There are public schools that teach botany and ecology classes that may just fit the bill. Earth sciences may also be a lab science, provided you do some experiments. Again, since there is no definition of what a lab science is, you can make almost ANY science into a hands-on experience.
There are books that study ecology, botany, and other outdoor earth sciences. You can also piece something together using a unit study approach. You can find science experiment materials at www.HomeTrainingTools.com.
If you are curious about providing a great homeschool education for your gifted child, check out my audio training, “Gifted Education at Home.“
I’m working my way through Luke, and I was struck by the comment made by guards beating Jesus.
Luke 22:64
They blindfolded him and demanded, “Prophesy! Who hit you?”
I was thinking about what Jesus would have said about those guards, if he had chosen to speak. What would Jesus say about a person? Any person? If Jesus would describe someone, what would he say?
Maybe he would describe the guards physical features, “The tall one” or “The short one” but it’s certainly not all that he knew. He knew every last detail about them. He knew what regrets they had, who their parents were. He knew their hurts, and what a good day looked like for them. He knew every moment of each life. He knew everything that got them there.
Jesus knows our teenagers, too. He knows every detail. Everything we have done right or wrong for them. Every hurt and joy. If the Lord were to prophesy about our children, he could describe them in more detail that we could!
That’s a good thing. Because sometimes we have a hard time knowing our children. They can change and mature so fast, it’s difficult to keep up. But God knows who they are, what they are capable of, where they are going, how fast they will get there, and any detours along the way.
This Easter season, remember…the Lord sees our children much more clearly that we do. That’s why he tells us to never give up. He sees the end result, and we can only see the now.
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