20/20 Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Wouldn’t it be nice to know exactly how everything should go, and see how it will all end?
When you see your current challenges, it’s difficult to know why you are going through certain struggles. The same thing happened to the disciples at the triumphal entry. They knew Jesus would die, and they knew the crowd was acting like Jesus was a King. They couldn’t understand how these two different things could fit into God’s long-term plans.
John 12:12-19
The Triumphal Entry
The next day the great crowd that had come for the Feast heard that Jesus
was on his way to Jerusalem. They took palm branches and went out to meet
him, shouting,
“Hosanna!”
“Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!”
“Blessed is the King of Israel!” 14Jesus found a young donkey and sat
upon it, as it is written,
“Do not be afraid, O Daughter of Zion;
see, your king is coming,
seated on a donkey’s colt.”
At first his disciples did not understand all this. Only after Jesus was glorified did they realize that these things had been written about him and that they had done these things to him.
I would love to tell you exactly why we struggle with our teens, and why calculus is so difficult to teach, and why teenagers can be hard to deal with. I would love to explain why your specific situation is the exact thing needed to create a mature adult with character in the long run. Unfortunately, we don’t understand. We will be able to look back afterwards, though, and say, “Ah ha! So THAT is why it happened!” But for now, it’s hard to figure out.
Parents have to deal with disappointments. A child doesn’t get into the program, isn’t elected as an officer, performs poorly in front of others, or doesn’t get admitted into the “for sure” college. We may not understand why these things happen. However, one day, when our children are grown and older, we’ll be able to look back and see purpose in our disappointments – and the successes.
20/20 Hindsight may be lovely, but if we knew what was happening, would we still learn? Perhaps our ignorance of the big “why” questions is part of the reason we can learn. Faith abounds when you don’t know the “why” of life. Faith also reminds us that one day we will know the answers, and see the positive results of our struggles from today.
Not every child is a genius, or socially adept, or physically strong. When you see the failings in your own teenager, it can be tempting to think you must have caused it to happen. Even when you KNOW that your child has a physical condition causing learning challenges or social stumbling blocks, there may sometimes still be moments of doubt. “Sure my child was born that way, but maybe if I had just…..” It’s easy to place blame with parents, even when the parent is you.
Jesus Heals a Man Born Blind As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” John 9:1-3
Learning challenges are called “challenges” for a reason – they are difficult! However, from my vantage point I can see how these challenges can point to the Glory of God. When a child with difficulties succeed beyond their wildest dreams, parents immediately recognize it as a miracle. Consider this news story:
Grad who personifies perseverance Despite being told he’d likely never walk or talk, Alex Leavitt will graduate with a degree in history from the University of Puget Sound on Sunday.Seattle Times
How must that parent have felt for all those years? It certainly couldn’t have been easy, and I’m sure they often wondered if they were doing things right. I have pointed out this story before, and how he has private tutors and used school-provided note takers, much the same way homeschool parents work. It wasn’t the school that made the success. It was to demonstrate the work of God.
I have talked with many friends and clients that have children who struggle; Dyslexia, Aspergers, and more. Now I’m old enough to see these same parents on the other side – their children are beginning to graduate from college. One child couldn’t read at 12, or spell at 17. It was tempting for the mother to ask “Is it my sin, Lord?” These parents didn’t give up, but kept working through the disappointments, difficulties, and doubts. Now this same child is preparing to graduate with a bachelor’s degree in Business Administration. The parents are pointing to the Lord. The work of God has been displayed in his life. It wasn’t the sins of the parents that prevented him from reading or spelling. It was so years later, they could all feel closer to God, and see him as a personal Lord who loves them and cares for them.
Matt here. I wanted to send a quick message out to some of the homeschool fathers I met over the weekend at the Washington Homeschool Convention. I love seeing men taking a leadership role in educating their children and this weekend I got to meet a lot of you.
The dad who wanted to make sure his daughter got thoroughly trained in sound economic principles so she could understand what was happening in the world and be able to instruct her children wisely.
The dad who had no money to buy curriculum but was there with his wife asking as many questions as possible to learn strategies to homeschool on a very tight budget
The dad with one kid in a carrier, two in a stroller and one holding his hand following quietly behind while his wife shopped.
I also wanted to give a shout out to the fathers who weren’t at the convention, but rather, stayed at home to take care of the children while their wives shopped for homeschool curriculum and supplies. You are heroes in my eyes. I loved talking to Linda, whose husband was home with the kids and called for advice about tacos. Man, that was me just a few years ago.
Finally, I wanted to encourage the “almost dads” who were their and the amazing spirit of fatherhood they displayed.
The childless couple next to us who entertained a steady stream of mesmerized children with his suit of armor and tales of knighthood and chivalry.
The father-to-be who’s unwavering love for his wife has carried them both through two miscarriages. Bless you for your joy and faithfulness and heart for helping children.
The aunt to a single mom who was there supporting her niece’s curriculum choices and who had volunteered to shoulder the burden of homeschooling her child while she went out to earn a living.
Fatherhood is a beautiful thing and, like the facets of a diamond, all of you reflected a part of the whole. Thank you for making my “day before Fathers Day” one to remember.
We can learn things from other school settings. I was reading about a success story in the newspaper that will be SO encouraging to parents with struggling learners.
“The kid who was never supposed to walk or talk, he’s about to graduate from one of the fine liberal-arts colleges in the country”
Read the article called Grad who personifies perseverance
This young man attended a private high school, worked with private tutors and used school-provided note-takers, and then graduated from high school with five universities to choose from.
What lessons can we learn from this?
First, nothing can beat the one-to-one tutorial available in homeschooling. Even with severe challenges, working with a student one-on-one is extremely successful.
Second, it’s OK to teach your children in a way that makes sense for them. You can be the “School-provided note-taker” and provide other specialized supports. I’m reminded again about the software that will type the spoken word. (See Dragon Naturally Speaking in my blog post called Compensate For Learning Challenges.)
Third, there really IS a college for a child with learning challenges. Don’t give up hope! If you feel unsure, start your search a little early, perhaps in Sophomore year, so that you can do a thorough search for that just-right school.
Do you like getting this sort of help for homeschooling high school? Gold Care Club members get extended answers to their most challenging high school issues.
Homeschoolers are a forgetful bunch. Each new phase of homeschooling is often met with anxiety and uncertainty. “Can I really do this?” is a common question, especially when approaching the high school years. Yet, the Bible has a lot to say about remembering. In fact, the theme of Deuteronomy is “remember.” Don’t forget what the Lord has done.
Deuteronomy 8:2
Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands.
Don’t forget what He has done is YOUR life as well. Remember when you had babies, and they had trouble sleeping through the night. Remember when you had toddlers that physically stuck to you like glue. Remember first grade, when you were terrified that your child may not learn to read. Remember 3rd grade, when you began suggesting multiplication and cursive with fear and trepidation.
Remember when you taught your child to ride a bike without training wheels. They could have gotten seriously hurt – even WITH a helmet on! And yet you managed to teach them. They learned and they survived the learning. Remember all those things when you are thinking about starting to homeschool high school. High school isn’t any MORE difficult than homeschooling any other age. Toddler troubles aren’t harder than baby troubles – they are just DIFFERENT. Each stage in life is different, and high school is just another new and different stage. You’ll learn to cope with this stage as well as you have learned to cope with the other stages.
I was trapped in a party filled with certified teachers, It was a barbecue and while my hamburger was grilling, they were grilling me on my educational philosophy!. They were asking me questions about homeschooling using words I didn’t even understand. Even with my college degree, I still felt woefully inadequate. How could people I barely knew make me feel so uncomfortable about my ability to homeschool?
But wait a minute! I knew that my homeschool was working. I knew my children were learning, their social skills were improving, and that college was in sight. My lack of an educational philosophy didn’t seem to be standing in the way.
Instead of worrying about what you DON’T know, consider what you DO know.
John 9:25
He replied, “Whether he is a sinner or not, I don’t know. One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!”
When faced with a negative response, don’t worry about their arguments and concerns. Focus on what you know to be true. “This is working for us. My children are learning.”
Time for a verbal ink-blot test. What do you think of when I say “diet of worms?” Does it help if I capitalize it? Try this, “Diet of Worms.”
I’ll give you a hint. It’s a historical event. When you study world history, and get to the reformation, you will learn about Martin Luther and the Diet of Worms. It has NOTHING to do with eating worms, by the way. It’s not a new weight-loss plan, or disgusting television shock show.
Diets (pronounced “dee-et”) were general assemblies of the Roman Empire, and one took place in the city of Worms, located in modern day Germany. The Diet of Worms addressed Martin Luther and the effects of the Protestant Reformation, when Luther was summoned to renounce or reaffirm his views.
One of the drawbacks of homeschooling high school, is that you have to learn to say things like “Martin Luther and the Diet of Worms” WITHOUT LAUGHING. You may even have to read the phrase out loud, keeping a straight face. I’m not joking!
When I was in high school, I just hated history. I knew nothing about history, Martin Luther, or the Reformation. It seems like everything I know about history I learned when I was homeschooling my children. Thank goodness we homeschooled, or I still wouldn’t know that the Civil War was in the 19th century.
Learning subjects yourself is one of the great joys of homeschooling. You don’t have to read aloud with a straight face all the time. You can giggle and grin over history. Learning with your children, even in a silly way, will bring a lifetime of wonderful memories!
You can also be a serious learner, and consider Luther’s belief that “my conscience is captive to the word of God.” What a great conversation starter for your home this Sunday!
It may look like we’re nuts to other people. Even though we may look a little strange to others, taking radical actions can often get fabulous results. Remember the story about Jesus healing the paralytic?
Mark 2:1-11
A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. So many gathered that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. Some men came, bringing to him a paralytic, carried by four of them. Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus and, after digging through it, lowered the mat the paralyzed man was lying on.
When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Son, your sins are forgiven.” Now some teachers of the law were sitting there, thinking to themselves, “Why does this fellow talk like that? He’s blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?” Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, “Why are you thinking these things? Which is easier: to say to the paralytic, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your mat and walk’? But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins . . . .” He said to the paralytic, “I tell you, get up,* take your mat and go home.”
Four men brought the paralytic man to Jesus. When the normal course of action didn’t work, they had to think outside the box. They were digging through a roof, and it doesn’t get much stranger than that! I’m sure the crowd was amazed. “Well, that’s just nuts! I’ve never heard of such a thing!” But how can you argue with results? The paralyzed person was healed.
If you are new to homeschooling, don’t worry too much about what people think. Drawing outside the lines has achieved success for thousands of year. It’s a radical action that can get fabulous results in your children. Whether you walk in the front door, or whether roof-digging is your normal way to enter a house, homeschooling can work for you!
I’m reading through the Bible in a year, and I was reading through Leviticus and noticed an interesting trend. There seems to be a recurring theme. See if you can catch it in these verses:
Leviticus 23
3 There are six days when you may work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath of rest, a day of sacred assembly. You are not to do any work; wherever you live, it is a Sabbath to the LORD.
7 On the first day hold a sacred assembly and do no regular work.
8 For seven days present an offering made to the LORD by fire. And on the seventh day hold a sacred assembly and do no regular work.
21 On that same day you are to proclaim a sacred assembly and do no regular work.
22 When you reap the harvest of your land, do not reap to the very edges of your field
24 On the first day of the seventh month you are to have *a day of rest*
25 Do no regular work, but present an offering made to the LORD by fire
28 Do no work on that day,
29 Anyone who does not deny himself on that day must be cut off from his people.
30 I will destroy from among his people anyone who does any work on that day.
31 You shall do no work at all. This is to be a lasting ordinance for the generations to come, wherever you live.
32 It is a sabbath of rest for you, and you must deny yourselves
35 The first day is a sacred assembly; do no regular work.
36 For seven days present offerings made to the LORD by fire, and on the eighth day hold a sacred assembly and present an offering made to the LORD by fire. It is the closing assembly; do no regular work.
Now I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but God seems to have some feelings about this topic. God speaks often about hard work, and the value of labor. As Americans we seem to believe that is ALL that God values. The Lord is also careful to instruct us about rest, and taking time off. Even though HE did not require rest, as we do, he still modeled the behavior for us when he created the World. He created the Sabbath for a weekly time of rest and rejuvenating. He also scattered the calendar with regular vacation days. He also appointed some very special years that included very special days off. And the Lord felt it was important enough to include in his Word to us. It’s as if he thought we might forget….
When you are homeschooling, remember to take a break. Take a break each week. Take regular breaks throughout the year. Take a longer break at least once, for example summer vacation. Plan for breaks, so that you work hard on educating your children during the “yes, do regular work” times. Then take a break to relax and renew so you’re ready to work hard again.
The Lord is clearly tell us to take some time off and DO NO REGULAR WORK at least once each week. Yes, work hard. Yes, labor and do your best. Yes, the efforts of homeschooling is so very important! But don’t forget the counter-balance that keeps us sane; rest. It’s also a clear instruction that we are called to obey.
Life with teenagers is a perfectly calm sea. Nothing ever goes wrong, and your children will always believe you are blessed among all parents. They will do no wrong and cause no stress. The learn eagerly and serve others willingly.
Then again, maybe they are human. Maybe WE are human!
There is nothing more human than being stuck and in trouble. When trouble occurs (and it will) it’s just one of those little facts of life that happen on a regular basis. Thankfully, God is always there with us.
Psalm 46
Verse 1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
I rely on God to be ever-present with me, and to help when I have difficulty. Have you ever read that Psalm through completely? Check out verse 10;
Psalm 46
Verse 10
“Be still, and know that I am God”
One way God can help you in an ever-present way is by encouraging you to BE STILL.
Take a breath. Take a breather. A weekend off, and evening away. Date night, “teacher planning day” or vacation.
Homeschooling is a critically important task. The Lord values wisdom and learning and speaks about the importance of training our children. He also instructs us that completing that task requires time being STILL.
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