In general, a high school students take about 5-7 classes in one year. Each class represents about one hour a day plus any required homework. In a homeschool, that means math and English make take a bit longer than an hour – my children did some of that in the evening.
In high school, my children worked from 8am until about 3 or 4pm each day. One day a week they worked much shorter hours on required subjects, but they were still busy doing things that I put on their high school transcript – sports teams, working at their job, or learning for fun with Delight Direct Learning.
Consider learning more about Delight Directed Learning, and how to know if you are doing too much.
I have known a handful of parents who are always confident in their abilities and mission. Good for them! I’m glad someone is able to always be strong! But I wasn’t that way. I had moments of uncertainty and doubt. There were times when I cried. Almost all of my homeschool friends have also had some really tough times.
I’m so thankful that Wendy allowed me to share her feelings in this blog post. I really wanted others to see that they are not alone. Other moms feel this way. Sharing feelings is good, and it WILL get better!
Good morning Lee,
A couple of weeks ago, I had to leave the kitchen in our home and go to my room. I literally hit the floor weeping and lay there crying out to the Lord asking why did He think I could do this homeschooling thing.
It had been a rough morning and afternoon with my teenagers. We are not “enjoying” this journey at all! It’s been one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do. The kids have expressed that they want to go back to their Christian school. Friends ask “how’s it going?” and my response lately has been, “we hate it!” I am caught in this struggle of knowing that sending them back to the Christian school would be easy and in these tough days, I find myself saying it would be better for them than what I’m doing here, and yet knowing that this is what God has called our family to do for this time. This might sound a bit dramatic, but I fight feeling oppressed and overwhelmed daily and even deal with lethargy-like my feet have concrete weights on them throughout our days. So I lay there begging God to speak to me, meet with me, and help me. I cried out, “I need something from You, because I can’t do this and quite frankly, I don’t want to do it either!”
While on my knees my eye caught a devotional – Streams in the Desert that I hadn’t looked at for some time. My great grandmother had given it to me back in 1984 when I was in high school. I hadn’t used it in a while, but it had ministered to me in times past and this moment did not disappoint. I realize it’s a bit lengthy, but I wanted to share with you what my Father gave to me.
February 1: I Kings 12:24 This thing is from me.
My child, I have a message for you today; let me whisper it in your ear, that it may gild with glory any storm clouds which may arise, and smooth the rough places upon which you may have to tread. It is short, only five words, but let them sink into your inmost soul; use them as a pillow upon which to rest your weary head. This thing is from me.
Have you ever thought of it, that all that concerns you concerns Me too? For “he that toucheth you, toucheth the apple of mine eye” (Zech 2:8) You are very precious in My sight (Isa. 43:4) Therefore, it is my special delight to educate you. I would have you learn when temptations assail you, and the enemy comes in like a flood, that this thing is from Me, that your weakness needs My might, and your safety lies in letting me fight for you.
Are you in difficult circumstances, surrounded by people who do not understand you, who never consult your taste, who put you in the background? This thing is from Me. I am the God of circumstances. Thou camest not to thy place by accident, it is the very place God meant for thee. (Get this) Have you not asked to be made humble? See then, I have placed you in the very school where this lesson is taught; your surroundings and companions (my children) are only working out My will!
This day I place in your hand this pot of holy oil. Make use of it free, my child Let every circumstance that arises, every word that pains you, every interruption that would make you impatient, every revelation of your weakness be anointed with it. The sting will go as you learn to see Me in all things.
-Laura A. Barter Snow.
I just thought I would share with you to bolster my witness and remind myself how this calling was not given to me because He knew I could handle it. I’m thinking He wanted me to learn how to trust and rely on Him more, because Wendy can’t do this on her own. I’ve felt chastised about saying “we hate it”. I’m still not sure what to say the next time someone asks, because reality is we’re struggling each day to be motivated to press on. But I want to come up with something that doesn’t offend my Savior because He is with me and has called me to teach my children for this time. I still need to learn how to receive and use His help each day. I guess I’m just not sure how to do that or what that really looks like? Of course when I cried out, He answered my prayer . . . hmmmm.
Crying out to the Lord,
Wendy
Dear Wendy,
That is just beautiful! Yes, I can see how that would help. Thank you so much for sharing! Don’t you think that a daily quiet time is the only way to go? Sometimes I thought it was the only thing keeping me sane. (Quiet Time is Key to Homeschool Confidence!) Maybe others are made of tougher stuff, but there were many times I had difficulty. Hang in there – what your doing is truly important. Thankless (often) but important.
When someone asks, you could say “We’re learning to adapt” or “We are slowly getting used to the change.” Or even “I’m being obedient, and that’s all that matters right now.”
We have talked before about expectations and curriculum adjustments. Beyond having a morning meeting with God, have you tried having a morning meeting with your children? Here is a blog post about it: Homeschool Accountability – Try a “Morning Meeting”
Blessings,
Lee
Oh Lee, Thank you for taking the time to read about my experience and to hear my heart! The ideas on how to respond are awesome and something I can actually hear myself saying out loud that express an honest reflection without offending the Lord or even my children. The morning meetings are big here especially with my daughter. I do need to make it more intentional and regular with her since she’s pretty much learning on her own with the curriculum we’ve chosen for her. Loved the blog and all the other resources it opened to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you for asking to share my letter. I know I have found encouragement and inspiration from others’ journeys in many different areas of my life. In fact, I shared my break down and the devotional with a friend and she shared how it was meaningful to her with something she was going through and she doesn’t even homeschool. Today was a much better day-more productive for everyone. Thank goodness for new and warmer days! Taking one new day at a time here in Ohio,
~ Wendy
Readers, I encourage you to share your feelings here – really, almost all homeschool parents can understand down times, breakdowns, and difficulties!
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Did you get my newsletter today? The focus is on life’s challenges. It has articles about single parent homeschooling, when friends stop homeschooling, and facing trauma while homeschooling. Will you please take a moment to encourage others? Be honest and share your struggles that you have faced while homeschooling. Life isn’t always a bowl of cherries. If someone else is struggling right now, your story could be just the encouragement they need! Please add a comment on this blog post and share your experiences. Thank you!
PS. You can sign up to get my monthly newsletter here. You don’t want to miss out on the free help and encouragement!
There are certainly some challenging things that can happen to homeschoolers. One of the biggest challenges is a child that wants to go to public school. Nobody will have the answer for you, and nobody can solve this problem. It’s something you just have to work through – and pray over. If you are in the midst of the struggle, I can consult with you on the phone if you are a Gold Care Club member. This is a topic that does best with conversation, so I can understand the situation and the child better. Sometimes I surprise myself with the things I will recommend once I get to know the situation better. However, I can suggest some things to consider.
Kids are who they are, and homeschooling will not force them to be unsocialized anymore than public school can force all children into becoming out-going socialites.
Is homeschooling working for you? I’m not asking if it’s perfect, because no school will ever be perfect. I’m only asking if it’s working! Are your kids progressing through subjects, learning things, doing things?
Don’t ask yourself if something else MIGHT work better, because you don’t know for sure if the grass is really greener somewhere else. You only know your own homeschool. Is it working? If it’s working, don’t stop!
Parents make decisions, not children.
Children don’t change completely when they change schools. They are still the same person with the same weaknesses and struggles.
When a child grows up, and becomes adult, sometimes changes are needed. This may be a situation where an alternative may be appropriate. Read my article on the Community College Fad and learn about CollegePlus! Although neither option is perfect for everyone, one of those options may be helpful to you now.
Involve your child is planning the year. Include delight-directed learning, and make sure curriculum choices fit your CHILD rather than you, the teacher.
If he feels stifled, the solution may be work. The best way to experience the world is to WORK in the world, not go to school with age-segregated people. That’s not at all what the real world is like. Can your child get employment and have a real job with others?
If you are dealing with a young man, you might enjoy my husband’s article on Raising Men. We also have a YouTube on the topic of Raising Men.
I hope that helps! If you want some support, consider becoming a Gold Care Club Member so we can talk together for 20 minutes each week when you have concerns.
When you have multiple college offers with wonderful scholarships, how do you decide between colleges?
Here are two methods.
First, you can develop a chart and compare each college. Make sure that comparison includes “your dollars out of pocket each year of college” as your only financial comparison, because there are too many variables to compare any other numbers.
The second method is the livability test. Where does your student want to live for the next four years? It’s not QUITE like choosing a spouse, but it’s still a pretty significant decision. Would your student like to live there for four years? It’s important to note that the PARENT isn’t living there – it’s not a test of where you want to live!
Consider also whether your student will have an adequate support structure in place at college. This might mean a solid church home near campus, or extended family members nearby, or the ability to drive/fly home in case of emergency. It may just mean the presence of some good and trusted friends near campus. College students can sometimes face challenges that require support. Make sure to factor this into your decision.
Read to what others are saying about The HomeScholar Gold Care Club!
Are you suddenly single? Death, divorce, and even deployment can happen. Even to homeschool parents. Suddenly, and unexpectedly. So now what?
If you have been homeschooling, you can continue to homeschool your children. If you are single, you can still homeschool your children. Here are some websites that may help:
Aside from the homeschool issues, I can suggest one other thing. Limit the amount of change as much as you can. Something very dramatic has happened in your children’s lives. Try to prevent any other change from happening if you can. Keep their school the same, their home the same, and their schedule the same, as much as possible. Experts say that limiting the stresses you CAN control, at least for the first year, is very important. Obviously something will have to change, but if housing and child support are provided, then perhaps some of the other changes can wait. Visit your church (or a large church in your area) and ask to speak to the pastor for advice and resources.
Get a 20 minute weekly phone consultation with me as part of your Gold Care Club membership.
It’s that time of the year again!! The FAFSA should be completed every year, from the time your eldest is a senior until your youngest graduates from college, unless your children that go to a college that does not need or require it. (Assume they need it for the first year. Our full tuition scholarship meant I never had to fill it out again!)
If you haven’t gotten it already, get your FAFSA PIN now, because it takes a while to get to you – it’s sort of like requesting a social security card. Get one for you and one for your child. FAFSA PIN
You can practice filling out the FAFSA now, before you do it for real. Here is the information I received about that:
FAFSA will be releasing access to its practice site on December 12, 2010. This site allows students and parents to train themselves on the FAFSAapplication, providing users with a more comfortable navigation of the actual process after January 1st. The test site is fafsademo.test.ed.gov. Use the following login information for your practice:
User name: eddemo
Password: fafsatest
Fill out the FAFSA every year on January 1st, estimating your financial information. After you do your taxes each year, just update your financial information at that time. Getting the estimate in on January 1st can increase your chances of financial aid – remember that money is often first-come, first-served.
Curious about The HomeScholar? Read more on our About Us page!
Trying to decide if you should go to a college fair? Now is the time! Particularly for high school juniors, a college fair is a very important step in going to college. You can find a large college fair through www.nacacnet.org and you can find smaller Christian college fairs through National Christian College Fairs. When push comes to shove, though, our busy schedules make it difficult to prioritize this important step.
Can you describe what the Christian College Fair is like for me? I’m trying to decide whether or not it will be worthwhile to take my son and miss Bible Study Fellowship. If it is just a bunch of booths, I’m inclined to skip it. Are there speakers or videos by the different schools?
Thanks,
Melanie
Hi Melanie,
Small college fairs may have 1 or 2 presentations. Rarely do they have videos. They often have helpful handouts from SAT or ACT, and the Common Application. They may have representatives from businesses like test prep companies.
The value of a college fair is walking up to 20-30 colleges within an hour of your time and asking, “Do you have the major my son wants” and “what to you want from homeschoolers?” You can’t get that much work done even if your fingers are flying fast on the computer. It really is a great way to get a lot done.
That said, Christian college fair, secular college fair, or homeschool college fair…. If you are deciding between those fairs, choose the one has the most colleges you might possibly be interested in. Other than that, go to the one that fits your schedule.
Recently my facebook friends have been talking about coffee a lot. I think it’s the cooler weather of fall, but for some reason coffee is a hot topic! Having a hot Venti Starbucks Latte is certainly one of my preferred coping mechanism for most of life’s stresses.
There is another great strategy to consider: VENTING. Just add two more letters to a Venti, and you find another friendly warm coping mechanism. Venting your concerns to a friend, spouse, or homeschool consultant like me, and it can really help. It’s not that a solution is always necessary. Sometimes it’s just the VENTING that is necessary.
That’s it. The sum total of my advice today. Grab a venti and start venting. You’ll feel much better!
Homeschoolers are resilient – even in the midst of extreme difficulty. Everything is not always peaches and cream, and sometimes trauma happens. Sometimes LOTS of trauma. If you are having an extremely difficult time, with situations far beyond control, please read this mother’s story and be encouraged. She has wonderful 20/20 hindsight about what works when dealing with family trauma.
Hi Lee,
You helped me out a couple of years ago, and assisted me with a high school transcript for my son Landon. I was just beginning to deal with some brain tumors and several surgeries and so appreciated your help. Things are still not as easy for me as they used to be and I did very little homeschooling with my then 13 year old Austyn that 2008-2009 school year.
We really have had our share of trauma these past almost 6 years. In October 2004 our 19 year old son Brad died in a tragic accident. The grief made it nearly impossible for me to concentrate on teaching Landon and Austyn or for them to concentrate on learning. It was nearly a year of just spending time together and not putting any pressure on them to accomplish much in the way of school work.
I really do not see that this set them back in any way.
I can not imagine them having to have been in a public school setting during such a traumatic time in their/our lives.
Homeschooling gives us the flexibility to just stop and take a break and resume when the time is right.
I thought I would give you an update on Landon. In June he graduated with honors from Eastern with a degree in business administration and economics. He did get two scholarships of $2000. We didn’t really have the time and energy to pursue more, these past 2 1/2 years have been filled with doctors, hospitals, surgeries etc. Landon now 21 lives in Spokane and in January of this year started a business called Community Restorations, he buys and restores foreclosed homes. He bought a home for himself too, remodeled it and moved in the month of December. Landon is our 5th child homeschooled and another success story. One to go! Actually our final child, Austyn, now 15 took the compass test and passed. In a year he will begin dual enrollment. He is interested in taking a computer class there so he will probably do that this September.
I enjoy getting your email news letters, thank you and thanks for your help back in 2008 when I really needed it.
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