How do you deal with friends and family that don’t approve? There is the snippy way, which I don’t really recommend! There are other options as well, though!
Lee, I was wondering about relatives or friends who upon learning your child was now homeschooled decided to test them on information. They did not do this to a child who is in public school. How do you respond to this type of behavior which I think is rude?
~ Karen (no state, to protect the innocent!)
Dear Karen,
LOL!!! Are you kidding?? My husband’s family is FILLED with teachers – FILLED! I’ve been grilled so many times, I can’t even begin to tell you! Sometimes comments can be flat-out rude. Other times it’s truly just ignorance about homeschooling. I try to assume they are ignorant at first, and look at it as an opportunity to educate them.
I have a video on the Gold Care Club, in the “Just for Fun” section that has some angry & frustrated responses. It won’t help, but it may make you feel better! Here is the link;
The Fed-Up Homeschooler’s Wish List
But I don’t ever want you to start with a snippy response. Start with the assumption that they simply don’t understand, and that once you explain it to them they will “get it.” Try to answer their questions. If you don’t know the answer, ask me, and I’ll tell you.
For some people, it’s not going to do anybody any good to even discuss it. For those people I recommend two things. First, show them the statistics. Here is the link:
Second step, show them a secular source for general college information like this:
- USA Today article
- MIT Homeschool article:
- Nascar winner was homeschooled
- College basketball stars were homeschooled
Finally, there comes a point where you have to politely and sweetly be firm. “This is my decision, and it does not concern you. Please do not question my children this way.”
I remember having a birthday lunch, completely surrounded by certified teachers. One woman grilled me for a long time, using words that I simply didn’t understand. Finally I said, “I don’t know what you are saying, but I know one thing. I’m trying to teach my children to love reading, the same way I’m teaching them to love their Bible. I don’t need to understand those words you are telling me. I just have to teach them to love reading.”
Later, I literally heard her tell the truth to another teacher sitting next to her. “I didn’t understand what I said either, it was just a question I got last week on my Master’s program test, and I thought I’d ask her.” So yeah. That was rude, LOL!
The thing I can say that will help the most is this. Know your child, and trust yourself.
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Christianbook.com Curriculum Page
Sunniemom says:
It is SO tempting to be snarky, especially if you’ve heard the same question every week for 15 years. But it isn’t how we should represent homeschooling- even though homeschooling isn’t a ‘system’, folks still lump homeschoolers together, so if they meet a rude homeschooler, forever after they will believe and spread the word that all homeschoolers are rude. If I had a nickel for every “I met this weird homeschooling family” story…
Anyway, I usually answer questions with questions of my own, in the form of clarifying some part of their question. It not only requires them to rethink the premise of their question, it helps me gauge more accurately where they are coming from, and I can answer accordingly.
November 9th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
karen says:
Sunniemom I like your answer
November 9th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
J W says:
Anyone with a teaching degree does have a lingo they learned in college. Most of the terms are about managing thirty kids, the intricate regulation and standardization of curriculum, and the qualifications and ongoing training of the teacher him/herself. That’s probably what that teacher was throwing at you, Lee.
I haven’t had teachers quiz my pupils – usually my eldest talks their ears off first. Anyone who has encountered her knows that’s like being hit with a fire hose that squirts dictionaries, thesauruses, and fantasy novels instead of water.
November 11th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
Lois says:
One of my friends had someone ask her, “Would you let your kids go to public school if they wanted to?” She replied sagely, “I’m not sure. Would you let your kids be homeschooled if they wanted to be?” That seemed to shut them up. No matter what, always smile and share all the exciting things you’re doing in your homeschool. Even when your children shrug and say, “I dunno,” you can inform the nosy busybodies that that is usually the answer when you ask the same of public school kids.
November 18th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
bj says:
I too have a family full of teachers. I usually tell them that homeschooled kids are about 2 “public” school grades ahead of their “Piers”. and then proceed to let them know my 14 year os taking chemistry. Fam – no comment
January 10th, 2010 at 7:51 pm
karen says:
Lee,
What is your husband’s family saying now? LOL
February 6th, 2010 at 11:26 am
Lee says:
Karen,
My husband’s parents have been very supportive ever since school shootings started happening. The rest of his family just tolerates our strange behavior, and chooses not to talk about homeschooling anymore than they would talk about politics, LOL!!
Blessings,
Lee
February 6th, 2010 at 12:11 pm
Rebecca Hardin says:
It is important to put our “best feet forward” for the sake of the whole hs community. When we leave the house, I ask them if we look like hs-ers.
Of course my kids know I’m just refering to the stereotype of bed-head and high-waters, (which does happen in ps, too, but doesn’t get blamed on that method) but appearance can really reinforce a person’s opinion…
May 13th, 2010 at 7:45 pm
Nancy Welliver says:
We have been homeschooling for 20 years and have heard it all from my husband’s mom and others. The worst was our next door neighbor who would come by repeatedly just to ask when I was going to put my kids in a “real” school. Not only did she believe that homeschooling should be illegal, she also thought having a business out of a home should be as well. So we were the worst possible people in her eyes as we not only homeschooled but also run a business selling used curriculum to homeschoolers our of our house!! Horrors! One day after getting the usual question from her I replied, “I respect the choice you made in the education of your children, please respect mine.” After this I heard no more from her regarding our homeschooling until many years later. I was shocked one day to have her on my front porch asking me to help her granddaughter homeschool herself through her last year of high school. Lots of replies went through my mind, but the one I gave was that I would be more that happy to help. The granddaughter was a year behind but wanted to graduate with her friends on time. She completed her junior and senior work in less than a year. She started in Oct and finished in early May. She graduated a month before her friends and was signed up for summer college classes, on scholarship, before her friends graduated from high school. No more problems with the neighbor. She likes us now.
July 10th, 2010 at 9:08 pm