How do you deal with friends and family that don’t approve? There is the snippy way, which I don’t really recommend! There are other options as well, though!
Lee, I was wondering about relatives or friends who upon learning your child was now homeschooled decided to test them on information. They did not do this to a child who is in public school. How do you respond to this type of behavior which I think is rude?
~ Karen (no state, to protect the innocent!)
Dear Karen,
LOL!!! Are you kidding?? My husband’s family is FILLED with teachers – FILLED! I’ve been grilled so many times, I can’t even begin to tell you! Sometimes comments can be flat-out rude. Other times it’s truly just ignorance about homeschooling. I try to assume they are ignorant at first, and look at it as an opportunity to educate them.
I have a video on the Gold Care Club, in the “Just for Fun” section that has some angry & frustrated responses. It won’t help, but it may make you feel better! Here is the link;
The Fed-Up Homeschooler’s Wish List
But I don’t ever want you to start with a snippy response. Start with the assumption that they simply don’t understand, and that once you explain it to them they will “get it.” Try to answer their questions. If you don’t know the answer, ask me, and I’ll tell you.
For some people, it’s not going to do anybody any good to even discuss it. For those people I recommend two things. First, show them the statistics. Here is the link:
Second step, show them a secular source for general college information like this:
- USA Today article
- MIT Homeschool article:
- Nascar winner was homeschooled
- College basketball stars were homeschooled
Finally, there comes a point where you have to politely and sweetly be firm. “This is my decision, and it does not concern you. Please do not question my children this way.”
I remember having a birthday lunch, completely surrounded by certified teachers. One woman grilled me for a long time, using words that I simply didn’t understand. Finally I said, “I don’t know what you are saying, but I know one thing. I’m trying to teach my children to love reading, the same way I’m teaching them to love their Bible. I don’t need to understand those words you are telling me. I just have to teach them to love reading.”
Later, I literally heard her tell the truth to another teacher sitting next to her. “I didn’t understand what I said either, it was just a question I got last week on my Master’s program test, and I thought I’d ask her.” So yeah. That was rude, LOL!
The thing I can say that will help the most is this. Know your child, and trust yourself.
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Sunniemom says:
It is SO tempting to be snarky, especially if you’ve heard the same question every week for 15 years. But it isn’t how we should represent homeschooling- even though homeschooling isn’t a ’system’, folks still lump homeschoolers together, so if they meet a rude homeschooler, forever after they will believe and spread the word that all homeschoolers are rude. If I had a nickel for every “I met this weird homeschooling family” story…
Anyway, I usually answer questions with questions of my own, in the form of clarifying some part of their question. It not only requires them to rethink the premise of their question, it helps me gauge more accurately where they are coming from, and I can answer accordingly.
November 9th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
karen says:
Sunniemom I like your answer
November 9th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
J W says:
Anyone with a teaching degree does have a lingo they learned in college. Most of the terms are about managing thirty kids, the intricate regulation and standardization of curriculum, and the qualifications and ongoing training of the teacher him/herself. That’s probably what that teacher was throwing at you, Lee.
I haven’t had teachers quiz my pupils – usually my eldest talks their ears off first. Anyone who has encountered her knows that’s like being hit with a fire hose that squirts dictionaries, thesauruses, and fantasy novels instead of water.
November 11th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
Lois says:
One of my friends had someone ask her, “Would you let your kids go to public school if they wanted to?” She replied sagely, “I’m not sure. Would you let your kids be homeschooled if they wanted to be?” That seemed to shut them up. No matter what, always smile and share all the exciting things you’re doing in your homeschool. Even when your children shrug and say, “I dunno,” you can inform the nosy busybodies that that is usually the answer when you ask the same of public school kids.
November 18th, 2009 at 12:16 pm