Hi there, Mr. HomeScholar here…
It has come to my attention that homeschool dads will sometimes struggle understanding their wives. Lee asked me to help explain the homeschool mom perspective to the dads out there.
As a public service, I wanted to share my Homeschool Mom Universal Translator with your husband. Could you please pass this on to him? Consider it my gift to you…
| When Your Wife Says… | What She Means is… | What She Doesn’t Mean is… |
| The kids were awful today. | The kids were awful today. | I want to quit homeschooling. |
| This place is a pigsty | Get your rear in here and help with the dishes. | Can I get you a beer, sweetheart? |
| Timmy isn’t understanding his math lesson. | Help. Timmy. Now. | Timmy takes after your mother. |
| Suzy and her best friend had a fight today. | Girls emotions can be so hard to deal with. | Women…Can’t live with ‘em… |
| The dog threw up on the carpet. | Please clean the carpet. | Honey, could you bring me a spoon? |
| I feel like a total failure. | I feel like a total failure…hold me… | …hold me…Tonight’s the night. |
| Homeschooling is hard. | Could you please hold down the fort while I take a bath. | Public school is the only option. |
| Thanks for helping with the dishes. | Keep it up and tonight might be the night. | I am in awe of your selfless love as revealed by this profound demonstration of your servant’s heart. |
| I quit. | Tag! You’re it! | Could you please suggest an alternative career I could pursue outside the home. |
| I can’t take it anymore… | Double shot, Grande Caramel Macchiato, not too hot, extra foam. | Honey, could you please carefully explain how I’m not being rational right now? A PowerPoint presentation would be most appreciated. |
| My children are horrible. | YOUR children are horrible. | Could you please go yell and make the children and me cry. |
| I hate homeschooling. | Turn off the TV and listen to me. I have feelings that WILL NOT be denied. | Homeschooling was the biggest mistake of my life. |
| I can’t do this anymore. | I feel overwhelmed by my responsibilities. Help me! | Please ignore me. I’m just being an emotional woman. |
You might want to cut this out and keep it in your wallet for handy reference.
(Moms…If you think of any others I might have missed, please feel free to post a comment.)
Blessings,
Matt
PS. Get our FREE email mini-course, “The 5 Biggest Mistakes Parents Make Homeschooling High School.“ I promise you will love it or DOUBLE your money back!!
Filed under: 
Karen says:
This is soooo true. I love it. The way the different spouse interprets things is so amazing.
November 4th, 2009 at 6:29 am
Veronica says:
That made me laugh so hard! I had to retweet it and post a link to our homeschooling forum. So very funny. Thanks for sharing!
November 4th, 2009 at 7:19 am
Lee says:
We were laughing so hard we CRIED! It’s weird that it can be so funny and so true at the same time, LOL! I’m not even going to confess how many of those I have actually said aloud!
Blessings,
Lee
November 4th, 2009 at 7:43 am
Kristine says:
Love it! It goes back to men wanting to fix things, but women just need to vent!
November 4th, 2009 at 9:00 am
Michael says:
This is awesome!
I NEED more translators JUST like this!
I have heard a few of these (and mistranslated them…)
I have this printed out now and will make TONS of copies for my friends.
November 4th, 2009 at 11:07 am
Karen Davis says:
Got to run share this NOW!
November 4th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Marie says:
Could you make this into a power point/video FOR my husband? He won’t read it and remember it otherwise.
November 4th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Lee says:
Hi Marie,
GREAT IDEA! A Powerpoint! LOL! That is a REALLY good idea! I’ll tell my hubby to do that.
Blessings,
Lee
November 4th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
RileyDad says:
My wife showed me this & we laughed out loud at this several times.
But just so you wives don’t think it’s merely a boneheaded husband thing :
I had an old preacher friend tell me one time that there were three parts to every sermon he preached –
1) What he said
2) What he meant to say
3) What you heard
Thanks for posting. This was priceless
November 4th, 2009 at 6:27 pm
Daisy says:
That is sooo awesome!
November 5th, 2009 at 9:26 am
Cindy Torres says:
This is SOOOOOO great! I copied/pasted it to all of our state homeschool email groups!! Hope it will help somebody laugh today!!!
November 5th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Marie says:
Oh, Lee! I’m so glad you were not offended by my “Power Point/Video” comment. I’m sure there are more men like mine that seem to need the audio/visual more than the written
message. Although, I am tempted to send the written chart to him….
November 5th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Paula (EL) says:
I vote we create a cheat sheet for all areas of life. We’ll take it to the school store and have it laminated, multiple copies too. I’m forwarding to my lovely spouse now.
November 5th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Sharon says:
That is hysterical!
November 5th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
Inna says:
That was great!
November 5th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
NW Darla says:
When your wife says –
“I read about a homeschooling resource today that I’m interested in.”
What she means is –
“I read some reviews, chatted online with some people who have used it, and I think it might be helpful.”
What she doesn’t mean is –
“They’ll ‘work’ I promise. I won’t ever need to spend another dime.”
====
When your wife says –
“Can you help me decide which route to go in this homeschooling matter?”
What she means is -
“I want to bounce some ideas off you, if you could spare a few minutes, because I value your input.”
What she doesn’t mean is –
“I need several hours of your time and for you to figure everything out.”
November 6th, 2009 at 9:57 am
Lee says:
Good job, Darla! I’m looking for more ideas, too.
Blessings,
Lee
November 6th, 2009 at 11:30 am
JulieBaby says:
Brilliant! Also hilarious.
November 6th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
nobody says:
LOL! That was awesome! where can I find some more? btw, I”m not married, and not looking to be, but I still find this interesting.
November 6th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Susan W (Luci’s momma) says:
This is just hilarious. I am homeschooling 3 kids while DH is in Afghanistan. It’s so hard to get across my thoughts when he’s sitting right here in front of me–imagine trying to get him to understand when the phone is going out on every other syllable.
I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t want him to encourage our 17 yo son through email anymore because it doesn’t matter what DH says, DS interprets it as “just do whatever schoolwork you think valuable and skip the rest.” DH assures me that he’s NOT saying that.
I think I will tag-team him when he gets off the plane and disappear for a few days. All by myself. Maybe I’ll give him a few days home before I do that.
But first I’m sending him your blog post.
November 7th, 2009 at 11:20 am
Susan W (Luci’s momma) says:
PS–the photo of the mystified husband is priceless!
November 7th, 2009 at 11:22 am
Lee says:
Dear Susan,
Thank you for your service – and you’re husband’s too, of course. I hope our blog post will bring a smile to his face!
Blessings,
Lee
November 7th, 2009 at 11:42 am
Suzy says:
These are great… as a now-single mom I need to be reminded that the emotional expressions that are going through my head (what I say to myself!) really may not be exactly what I mean. Your “what she means is” actually can be a help so that *I* can figure out what I really mean!
May all of you married moms offer up a special prayer for your special, if sometimes bewildered, homeschool hero husbands!
November 9th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Angie Wright says:
Oh SO Funny But True. So True.
November 9th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Cara says:
It is *so* funny because it is *so* true. Thanks for the laughs!
November 10th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
April says:
This list is great! Love it and I am posting it on Facebook and some other homeschooling sites.
November 10th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Beth says:
This was awesome! I loved it! So funny, but so true!!!
Thanks!
November 11th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
RuthintheDesert says:
Or women could just say what they mean. It also helps to marry a homeschool graduate so the whole family speaks the same language.
November 11th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
Dirtdartwife says:
When she says: Your mother called today and told one of the kids they’re doing great considering they’re not in school. That really bugged me.
What she means is: Will you please inform your mother that comments like that will not be tolerated and she’s to keep those types of opinions to herself?
What she doesn’t mean is: Please do not tell me that I should just accept what your mother says “because you know how she is.”
*********************
When she says: The kids refused to do their school work today.
What she means: Can you please support me in bringing down the hammer on them so they don’t think they can come between us?
What it doesn’t mean: I don’t want to hear “Oh, wow, I’m sorry.” while you continue to read your email or watch your race on TV.
November 21st, 2009 at 5:40 pm
MRL says:
When your wife says, “I wish our daughter could learn as easily as ……”
What she means is, “It doesn’t seem fair that she works twice as hard for not even half the return.I grieve for her.”
What she doesn’t mean is, “I wish I had another,smarter daughter because this kid is so much work”
When your wife says, “I miss feeling successful…”
What she does mean is, “It would be nice to get firm feedback (in an interim that is less than 18 years) that homeschooling is the right choice.
What she doesn’t mean is, “my old job was more important, my old life was better.”
Having whined about these two things (and I could list 100 more!), I will say that my husband does seem to “get it” but not at a visceral level.
November 25th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
MRL says:
When she says, “Your parents were shocked that our daughter doesn’t know if the Civil War came before or after the Vietnam War”
What she means is, “Will you tell your parents to stop quizzing our kids or we might have to start quizzing them. And they WILL lose because we know more.”
What she doesn’t mean is, “I hate your parents and I haven’t forgotten that they get Memorial Day and Veterans Day confused”
November 25th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Julie says:
I’m laughing out loud! My husband has said nearly ALL those things! Thank you!
December 10th, 2009 at 7:21 am
Deb says:
This was great, but what we really need is a Homeschool Mom Universal Translator for Disapproving Relatives! Many of the above apply!
June 21st, 2010 at 8:09 am
badmsm says:
Oh, I hear you about the quizzing grandparents. They rarely ask about the kids’ other interests, activities and accomplishments. Once my MIL started doing it on Christmas Eve. DS#2 told her “It’s Christmas Eve, I’m not doing this with you.” My kids just walk away when they start that now.
Thanks for the giggle, Lee!
June 24th, 2010 at 9:25 am
Michelle Dennis Evans says:
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I needed a laugh today
June 26th, 2010 at 1:09 am
corine says:
LOL!
This is great! I wish I had this translation sheet for my husband in the earlier years! Hats off to you both… thanks a ton for sharing with us all.
Corine
October 18th, 2010 at 8:11 pm
Carla says:
As a work-outside-the-home mom married to a homeschooling dad, this makes me appreciate all the more that most men (my husband included) just say what they mean straight out- and mean what they say. Much easier to help them that way. Try it with your husbands someday!
January 13th, 2011 at 11:03 am
Denise says:
I really like Darla’s. It hits right in my back yard. We need to keep adding to this. I really think, although it is hilarious,that husbands really find this helpful. good stuff.
January 13th, 2011 at 1:50 pm
Audrie Schaller says:
Just in the middle of my second year homeschooling. Stumbled across this and couldn’t stop laughing! Thanks! I’ll link to it on my site.
January 26th, 2011 at 7:44 am
Lee says:
Thanks for linking it to your site, Audrie!
Blessings,
Lee
January 26th, 2011 at 7:46 am
Linda says:
We call this “pink and blue” talking in our house. We took a class at our church called “Love and Respect” and they focus in on pink and blue talking and hearing. The trick is (as in the article) learning to be in the middle (purple talking and hearing) and understanding one another. Great article! My husband loves it and so do I.
February 3rd, 2011 at 1:27 pm
Jennifer says:
My favorite is “this place is a pigsty” Vs “”honey of course I’ll get you a Beer.”
June 1st, 2011 at 3:39 pm
paige says:
“Could you please go yell at the children and make us all cry?”
*cute*.
bwahahaha. i didn’t know these miscommunications were so universal
July 22nd, 2011 at 6:48 pm
lifelonglearner says:
Humorous…but I’ve never said any of these things to my husband…because I can’t. In 26 years of hs with another 10 to go, I have yet to experience the freedom of telling it like it is. Hubby is a passive supporter; he loves to brag about ACT scores, success in college, etc.; and there have been a few good conversations about child #x and the progress or lack thereof, the good things or the bad, etc. But those have been few; it is, in this home, a single-parent endeavor within a marriage. I hope I don’t sound bitter or angry because I am not; we have been married long enough that I simply accept reality. Maybe I am a bit jealous, tho, of other wives’ freedom to express themselves, because even tho I know the list was meant to be humorous, and so is probably somewhat exaggerated, a lot of it just sounds like whiny women to me. I am on my own in so many ways that I am effectively a single parent, and I can’t even imagine saying any of those things to my husband.
I did appreciate others’ additions to the list…and to every one who commented on relatives’ criticism/skepticism whether vague or blunt, I am sorry that this makes your road harder. It is a hard job to muck through the swamp and then fall into a hole created by those we love. Keep teaching the kids to love the relatives even though they create bumps in the road.
July 24th, 2011 at 4:02 pm
What she means is… | says:
[...] is brilliant! I followed a FB link that Wendy liked and found this handy little Homeschool Mom Universal Translator guide. Craig and I [...]
July 25th, 2011 at 8:47 pm
Heather Berryman says:
L OH! L
…*sigh*…How I wish I ALSO had someone to complain to on bad days.
…Then again, I’m thinking it’s been good KYMSAYEO training for the teen years…(keep your mouth shut and your ears open
August 4th, 2011 at 12:43 am
Holly says:
Fantastic! I love it …. spot on! Including the comments as well …. and indeed the communication via skype and email as hubby’s on go round #4 in Iraq brings in a whole nother level of what you heard! LOL ….
August 25th, 2011 at 6:53 am
Clever Title TBA – Communication Tool of the Day says:
[...] Homeschool Mom Universal Translator [...]
August 25th, 2011 at 11:26 am
Kathy A. says:
Thank you so much for sharing this! … how funny! …
Kathy A.
August 31st, 2011 at 8:24 am
Tammy says:
Soooo true! Printed it out for my husband. He can refer back to it as a guide. Thanks.
September 30th, 2011 at 8:40 am
Kim says:
Sharing this on Facebook. Thank you Mr Homescholar!
November 22nd, 2011 at 9:13 am
Lee says:
Thanks for sharing it with others, Kim! I always giggle each time I read this!
Blessings,
Lee
November 22nd, 2011 at 9:42 am
Bethany LeBedz says:
Forwarding to my hubby! Thanks, Mr. HomeScholar!
August 14th, 2012 at 10:43 am
Jorriss says:
Here’s an idea. Ignore column A and column C. Use column B. Translations not required.
December 1st, 2012 at 11:33 am
Kelli says:
Oh, this is definitely going up on the refrigerator!
June 14th, 2013 at 8:38 pm