Cooped Up in a Co-op?

November 2008

by Lee Binz
The HomeScholar

A parent came to my booth at the Homeschool College Fair in Washington, and asked for help with her teenager. She described how her son was burned out, stressed out, struggling to keep up - and she worried that he was failing.

When I talk to parents with these concerns, it usually means one thing. It was the end of the day, and so I just blurted it out. "I was wondering...are you in a co-op?"

"How did you know?" she replied.

In my experience, parents who come to me with these concerns tend to be using co-ops for their core classes. In an effort to do things "right" co-op classes may instead provide an assembly-line production of lessons. Students become frustrated because they can't keep up - or bored because they are so far ahead!

Just last week I had a consultation with a parent in this position. Her child was involved in a co-op for most of his core classes, and as much as he loved being with his friends, the classical education and great books curriculum did not match his kinesthetic learning style.


She plans to keep him in the classes to listen to the wonderful lectures, and has told him she will not use the graded papers and tests as the basis of her homeschool grade. She refuses to demand that he complete their assignments, and instead relies on evaluation by discussion.

But in the co-op they give tests, and her student fails because his learning follows a different path. Not because he doesn't know the subject, but because he reads books that support his love of learning, rather than the books assigned.

This mother recognized that it's the LEARNING that is important, not the grades - good job mom! And yet I wonder how it must feel to the child, being told they have failed a test even though they understand the course content? And what about parents that (mistakenly) feel pressured to include co-op grades on a transcript?

Years ago, the whole concept of "homeschool co-op" was completely different than the current system. My older homeschool friends tell me that they used co-ops to help their homeschooling. When you ask them what it was like, it's in stark contrast to today's model.


In years past, a co-op meant three or four families coming together once a week. They would share science labs, music, unit studies, or hands-on experiences with all their children together. When such moms reminisce, they don't mention tests or classrooms, or remember concerns about child care or negative socialization. Instead they talk about their time bonding with a small group of students and parents.

When you read many of the popular homeschool books, they sometimes suggest that families use co-ops during high school. When you read things like this, please remember that there WERE no mega-co-ops at the time most of these books were written! Instead those books are typically referring to small groups of families sharing learning experiences.

Today, some of the "mega co-ops" may include hundreds of families, and some even have a thousand or more children. The families may not know each other, and leaders may not even recognize some of the students! The students are in age-segregated classrooms, with more than a dozen students per class. With so many students in age-segregated classrooms, you begin to wonder how this is considered "homeschooling." In some places, co-ops have completely replaced homeschool support groups and casual park days and play arrangements. That makes it difficult to get the support homeschooling parents really need.


With their permission, I wanted to share some stories from other moms weary of being cooped up in a co-op. These parents have poured out their hearts in these letters. I encourage you to read each story, and glean the information that will help you with your own family.

I don't presume to know what is right for YOUR situation. I can happily tell you, however, that the love your have for your child gives you the ability to make a decisions for yourself. Don't be concerned about what others are doing; simply focus on what is right for YOUR child.

On the other hand, the current homeschool community has become so focused on co-ops, that there is a tremendous amount of pressure to join them. I encourage you to shed all pressure - to join or not to join. Instead, open your eyes, educate yourself, and decide. Don't be swayed by peer pressure.

Dear Lee,

It has been a very difficult year for us. In fact, we are considering bailing out particularly for our younger child who is in 8th grade this year. It's a long and convoluted story fraught with intense emotions on all sides. The irony is that I serve on the board of our homeschool group and have been deeply involved in planning our homeschool conference. I will be hosting a panel discussion on homeschooling through high school. Can you believe it? Perhaps some great epiphany will happen that will change our current thinking.

In a nutshell, the co-op that we were in for four years was perhaps our "undoing." Because my children viewed the co-op moms as their teachers, and I was preoccupied preparing and teaching other classes, we effectively quit homeschooling at that point. I became a teacher to other children and merely a homework helper to my own. Culturally, they became attached to the idea of being in classes with peers and my younger child in particular is extremely apathetic for learning of any sort outside of that environment (which is where we are this year). This child was not that way prior to the co-op experience.

I am sick and wracked with guilt. I can only say that God is sovereign and knows even our mistakes and shortcomings. What is uppermost in my heart is to still be a steward over my child's education, whatever form that might take. My oldest child (whose transcripts you did last year) has had outside classes (physics, history, literature, and government) and is being tutored in geometry and pre-calculus. In a similar vein, this child does extremely well in the classes taken outside the home, but we fail at any sort of independent study. We are also unsure of what we will do for this child next year.

I want others to learn the dangers of abdicating their stewardship to a co-op. If I could craft a warning, it would be that co-ops not try to be a "school." That transforms the moms into professional (i.e. stressed) teachers rather than homeschoolers of their own children. The dynamic in the home is shifted from learning alongside your child to looking in on homework assignments while grading other students' work. It grieves me to see the younger moms in the co-op - those with children 3rd grade and under - strapped to workbooks when they could be out building forts and learning about nature and bugs, reading great books and having fun. The atmosphere there is stress, stress, and more stress. What is fostered is a loathing for "study." This is the exact reason why we chose not to do public or private school. So, what I have this year is a child who loathes studying. The joy is gone. Please use my words! I hope others may benefit from my experience.

Mark and Diane from Illinois

Lee,

My family decided to try a homeschool co-op this school year. We are true unschoolers at heart, not radical, I do more than "strew" things around for certain children at certain times. Yet we like our freedom too much and this year is killing us and me in particular!

So since January we've been doing one co-op on Monday and a different co-op on Tuesday, in other words two co-ops. The Tuesday one is only a half day now so is less stress than the first semester. Then girl scouts and cub scouts are on Thursday, bi-weekly at least not every week but once in awhile there is a weekend commitment for scouts. This probably doesn't sound like an intense schedule to some of you but it is all LONG drives. It is 40 minutes (best commutes) each way Mondays, 45 minutes (again best case scenario) each way Tuesdays, 40 each way for any scout stuff. It's all too much time on the road!

Then there is the homework! Two of the kids have 4 classes each between it all and one has two classes. For most of them there always seems to be insane homework like make a poster but it has to b on this exactly size paper, one week it was draw 5 state symbols for each of three states (15 things to draw!), reports to do, vocabulary to learn, worksheets to fill out and polls to take and cooking homework (ok that wasn't bad it was cookies). It is INSANE. It leads to family disharmony when I have to be the mean old homework monitor.

Then there are the GERMS, we keep catching everything. We're sick now, we're always sick! People are always coughing and sneezing there are always sick people at these co-ops so you just know you're going to catch things! And the early mornings, that part is awful and none of the kids likes to get going early in the winter, neither do I for that matter. So we tend to have tears from at least one person every single co-op morning (and it's not always me crying, LOL).

Plus the expense, each co-op has various fees with each co-op being about $250 when all is said and done. Not counting gas and not counting various scout expenses that I've lost track of. I could have bought some kewl homeschooling things with that money and stayed HOME!

I have 5 more weeks of the Monday one to get through now. I have around 10 more weeks of the Tuesday one to get through. Not sure how many more scout meetings because I don't know all the upcoming events.

Today I'm home from another co-op day myself, it was a difficult one but I'm still processing the day and can't type it out yet. I do know it would need the soundtrack of we're not going to take it anymore and the lead character would be an active, just turned 10 year old blond boy who ran out of class and onto the play area outdoors shouting "I don't want to sit and learn any more about Johnny Appleseed. I know enough about him, I want to play." LOL! Then the leader of the co-op finding me and saying "are you Colin's Mom, we need to have a little talk". Sigh!

I just wonder why we give in to the thoughts that we need things like co-ops and I even more wonder why there aren't more groups who get together just to get together not for classes. Everyone wants classes or thinks they do. I just don't quite understand why.

I'm trying to think about how it all turned so much to co-ops. Now it seems when you meet a homeschooler you don't know yet they ask what co-op you attend or classes you take. When I started 8.5 years ago I don't remember there being such a focus on co-ops and classes. Those are right for some people but not all.

It's good to talk (type) these things out. When I think about it I realize that joining the co-op was about fear. So many use them now (and that's OK some of my friends love homeschool co-ops) it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking it's something we need for our kids. When I think hard about it I remember how much better our days went before we tried co-ops. Well we wouldn't ever know unless we tried, so it's not all bad. Now we know!

Can you remind me not to do this next year? OK I'm done venting.

Jodi in New Hampshire

I recognized that it's not all about academics, of course, but what are the academic goals of homeschooling? We want to instill a lifelong love of learning. We want to ignite a passion for something that can lead to a meaningful career.

In order to achieve these goals, you have to somehow make sure that your child is learning at their level in every subject, all the time. If they struggle with a concept, you wait until they get it before moving on. You have to match their learning style with YOUR learning style, as the teacher. This "dance" can take some stops and starts through the year, with frequent adjustments.

If a coop is causing you stress, or you think it is doing more harm then good, please take an objective look at the situation. Regardless of what other parents choose to do, you are only responsible for YOUR child's education, and that should be the focus of your decisions.

If a homeschool co-op is the right situation for your child, please remember that grades you receive in a co-op only represent a portion of their grade for a transcript. Usually co-op instructors are not certified teachers, first of all. But also, they only see your child for perhaps just an hour each week. You know more than they do about the learning that occurs for your child. Their transcript grade should reflect the sum total of their learning, NOT just what takes place in a classroom setting one day a week.

And unless the co-op is an accredited program, or somehow affiliated with state-sponsored oversight, it is still your job to provide grades for the high school transcript. And your grade should reflect all of their learning experiences, not just one experience.

I read these stories (and hear many more) and count the cost to homeschoolers:

• Moms and Dad feel guilty and anxious
• Learning styles aren't met
• Frustration over time lost
• Expenses for gas, fees and books
• Excessive homework, often miss-matched to the student
• Increased work load for homeschool parents

The truth is parents are delegating responsibility and losing control.

And presiding over all this anxiety are the two enemies of homeschooling: Guilt and Fear. You don't have to feel guilty about being in a co-op; just make sure it's a fit for you and your child. You don't have to feel guilty about homeschooling at home, either! Great socialization occurs OUTSIDE of academic environments - it occurs when you live in society. When people ask my advice about socialization, I recommend they separate "socialization" and "academics." Pursue these separately, and your children can succeed at both!

Don't be afraid of a co-op, but use it the way that meets your child's needs. But don't be afraid to avoid co-ops either! Choose a curriculum meant for homeschoolers, and you can be successful with any subject you teach in your own home. As I always say, with any subject:

You don't have to know it, and you don't have to teach it - you just have to make sure they learn it!

If it works, keep doing it. If it's not working, stop! Do something else!

 

 

 

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Reader Feedback


We have had a LOT of feedback on this month's article on Co-ops. With permission, here are the comments we have heard. Please continue to comment. We would love to hear your perspective! Thanks!

Dear Lee, Upon reading your article I had no idea that some families use a coop as their primary means of core teaching. I can't imagine releasing my children to participate in something so akin to public school. We began a once-a-week coop 3 years ago to give social variety to our learning experience. It has been a great blessing to us the way we set it up.

It started out with 5 families (13 kids) and has maxed-out this year at 8 families (21 kids). We meet in a huge home with lots of room to separate the tots from the 8-12 year-olds. We have a talented group of moms with varying strengths and teaching styles. We rotate classes in a two hour block using the time to supplement our very different curriculum a t home. We've taught classes in language/culture, math games, art, music, and science. We've put on full a scale play, concerts and are currently working with Opera For Children (the children come up with the story line & song lyrics). All this is only 8 hours a month.

It's absolutely ideal and very possible to achieve without sacrificing the reason we home school in the first place: to be a part of our childrens' education. I just wanted to put my two cents in for those who've lost the vision of coop due to bad experiences. I agree that they should be limited to once a week and not tax families in the least.

Sincerely,

- Kelley in Washington

 

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One quick comment regarding co-ops. Although I agree that there is potential for challenges, you don't mention that many children become resistant to mom once they hit the age for high school studies. They are becoming their own person, and even though mom may have a great "plan" for high school, getting that to become reality is not simple. Often co-ops help to overcome this problem. Sometimes the "stress" of complying with the expectations of the co-op reflect that the student has not had enough required of them in the past at home for their age level.

Just a thought,

- Ruth in Washington

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I emailed your newsletter to a good friend because she has just gone through some co op trauma. Her family hasn't 'done' a co op for years, tried one this year and is already out of it. It was interesting to read what you had to say and what other moms had written to you. We have some STORIES as well. Often no one wants to say the negative...but it's there! Our family can peacefully do academics with excellence better at home with far less drama. It began to feel like a public school. Not worth a day of our time per week, gas, money, my energy volunteering and our entire family then dealing with issues the rest of the week! We have very busy social lives with who we want to be with and far less drama these days. Woo hoo! You were bold enough to expose this.

- Anne in Washington

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Dear Lee,

I read your advice and warning about co-ops and I can see to some extent to what you are saying. However, I have found co-ops to be a great help to me and worth far more than the exerted effort we struggled under for them. Yes, at times they have been troublesome to get to, or stressful to finish homework...but I personally found that I need, my children and I, we, need a bit of fire under our Homeschool to keep us accountable to do our work; because we never finished anything at home on our own until we started going to a co-op. We did a lot of fun things before...but we are learning so much more now and discovering new and fun things I would have never known about on my own, by myself as the sole teacher.

I want to mention the wonderful Christian families we have met. So many talented moms of all different ages, with all different size families, from all different parts of the state and country, many of whom have become mentors to me and some of the best encouragers I have ever met. I learned so much as I watched the different styles, gifts, and talents of these women. As they teach classes, share their ideas and discoveries of their successes and failures... and what God is teaching them, I feel like I'm in a story in the book Acts where we all get together and share everything. It is truly like watching the body of Christ with all the intricate parts working together (with Christ as our head of course) it is not always easy, but so worth the benefits.

I'm so sorry the moms you highlighted were so undone by them. I'm sure co-ops are not for everyone, but co-ops can be a blessing in so many ways too.... if we are willing to preserver through some of the difficulties.

I hope you can include some good news about co-ops some time in your future letters. The two that I have been involved in are very respectful of remembering we are home schoolers first and that the primary teacher is always the child's parent, not the coop teacher. There are rules we follow to make things run smoother, like when we are sick- we stay home.... We all commit to have a job helping, co-teaching helps too...etc.

I believe we have now become a more diligent family, not perfect but persevering; and a lot of it has to do with our association with the home schoolers we have encountered at co-op.

I hope you can tell the other side too some day,

Sincerely,

- Nancy in Massachusetts

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Lee,

I wanted to thank you for the article in your recent newsletter about co-ops. It was so eye opening for me to realize that so much of the stress we've been dealing with in our homeschool the last few years can be directly attributed to the fact that we joined a co-op when we moved back to the Chicago area. Before that we'd never lived in an area large enough to have that distraction. I've committed to pray about our future involvement in this co-op and what it should look like if we do end up continuing next year. What a relief it was to read that the stress we're feeling isn't unique!

Thanks again for all you do to minister to homeschoolers.

- Laura in Illinois

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Great co-op article, Lee! We ditched ours when I realized that some of the children in our "Christian" co-op were as badly behaved (worse?) as those in the roughest of government schools -- and I was allowing, encouraging even, my teens to form friendships with them. So blind!

Thank you for having the backbone to speak the truth.

- Julie in Washington

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